fleeting


When he looks at me it’s not the same. There’s this rage that I scares me. I’m not used to seeing that in him. I’m looking so hard to find something that’s no longer there, something I miss with all my heart. I try but he doesn’t see. If I’m quiet it’s because I’m afraid of being annoying, of getting on his nerves again. All he sees is me being bummed out. I know it’s not like me. I’m not talking so there MUST be something wrong, right? My attempt to change is getting us nowhere. Changing is not the same as pretending to be someone else.

The empty ‘I love yous’ don’t satisfy my yearning heart anymore. There is no hope left, no future, no us. It’s over. I resign myself. I’ll just disappear. I can’t bear to be the cause of so much un-happiness anymore.

written on 2004-04-26 at 7:02 a.m.

tired / of lying